...“Break up with her,” Noah said promptly. Lucas only smiled wryly. It wasn’t the first time Noah had suggested this obvious solution. He never made it a secret that he didn’t like Luke’s long-time girlfriend. His disdain never bothered Lilah, because she didn’t like him either.
“I love her.”
“Lots of people have long-distance relationships, Luke.”
Lucas shook his head. “Why does it matter so much to you? I’m not holding you back. No decision I make will change the fact that you’re leaving tomorrow for California.”
“I know. It’s just…” I wish you were coming with me. But Luke never even indicated he wanted to live in Los Angeles. Noah had always figured that if he couldn’t convince Lucas to go with him, at least he could convince his best friend to start his life somewhere else, somewhere where he had a real chance. “You deserve better than this.”
“I like it here. I’ll miss you, though.”
“I’ll still visit on holidays.”
Lucas smiled, almost sadly. “No, you won’t. Your dad might believe that, but I know you too well.”
There was no point in denying it. Noah didn’t have any real intention to come back, ever. That was another reason he wanted Lucas to leave as well. A part of him suspected it would be easier to stay in contact with his best friend if they both escaped. Even if they escaped to opposite ends of the country.
Noah took the bottle and drank most of what remained of the bittersweet liquid, waiting for the pleasant burn to begin in his belly. “Maybe you can come and visit me, then.”
“And you can introduce me to all of your famous friends?”
“I doubt I’ll know anybody famous. I’ve just got a part-time job at a small station.”
“Knowing you, you’ll own the entire station in five years.”
Noah began peeling the label from the bottle. “Yeah. Right.”
“Hey.”
He looked up. “What?”
“You’re going to do fine, Noah. You can take my word for it. Have I ever been wrong before?”
Noah nodded. That was the great thing about Lucas. He believed in him when Noah couldn’t even believe in himself. He always had. It suddenly occurred to him that he didn’t know what he was going to do, how he was going to take care of himself, without Luke in his life. They had been together, practically inseparable, since the first grade. Nobody was closer to Noah than Luke, and nobody meant more to him.
Something warmer than the wine bubbled in his chest, and he opened his mouth, unsure of what was going to come out. He made a strangled sound, like the words were lodged in his throat. He closed his mouth again, and Luke tilted his head, regarding him curiously.
“You okay there? You look a little…”
Noah never found out what he was going to say. He leaned forward and cut off Luke’s question with a whisper of a kiss. Luke’s lips were dry and warm and soft, and when they parted in surprise, Noah took advantage of it, moving to deepen the kiss. He reached for Lucas with his free hand, holding his shoulder, while he explored more and more of Luke’s mouth.
Noah broke the caress first. He leaned back, wiping his lips self-consciously, and tried to gauge his friend’s reaction.
“Noah…”
Noah opened his eyes and growled with frustration. What had happened? What had Lucas said? Had they kissed again? Had they done more? Did Luke push him away? How did he get that home that night?
Everything from the kiss to when he woke up the next morning wasn’t just a blur, it was gone. Anything could have happened in those hours. And he had no clues when he woke up. No note from Luke, no signs on his body that anything more happened, no residual feelings—nothing except a hangover and a flush of embarrassment. Did it matter if anything happened after the kiss? Wasn’t the kiss bad enough?
The kiss had been bad enough to make him run away and never look back. Ultimately, it didn’t matter how Luke had reacted. Noah was leaving and Luke was in love with Lilah, and that’s all that really matter. It occurred to him once or twice that it would be as easy as picking up the phone to find out what had occurred, to find out what, exactly, he was hiding from.
But the only thing easier than picking up the phone was not picking up the phone. The only thing easier than facing his feelings was pretending that he didn’t have any feelings at all. The only thing easier than keeping up his closest friendship was letting it slip away, a casualty to time, and distance, and avoidance. And shame...